Call to Celebration

First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany

"Zen and the Art of Recovery"

Rev. Samuel A. Trumbore October 7,2001

MEDITATION (by Mel Ash, adapted)

Let us turn inward now,

As if resting by a quiet pool of water

Drinking from a cool refreshing spring that feeds it

And releasing our worries and cares for a moment of peace.

As you experience the peace of this place

Think of those who aren't.

Send loving thoughts to those

Who lost their mind's, love and years

to compulsion, addiction and fears.

Think of their great sacrifice.

We recover on the bones of others.

Wrap your loving thoughts around them: alone no more.

If you are here and recovering

Your original shining true self,

A moment of silence for those driven mad

By the voices and screams of disease-driven dreams.

We walk from night to day

On a path made of the bones of others.

Hold them tightly in the warm arms of your spirit: cold no more.

If you are here and attaining freedom,

A thousand bows for those who didn't reach this shore

And drowned in a sea of despair: suffering no more.

We walk in freedom past cages

Made from the bones of others.

They hand us the keys of desperation.

Quench their burning thirst

With the tears of your soul.

Calm their cravings.

Still their minds.

Grant them peace in the dark and lonely places

Below and above ground.

Fill the gaping holes left by their deaths

With the immensity of your love.

Remember them as you sleep;

Remember them as you wake

Only a thought is the difference

Between you and the bones of others.

SERMON

Are you a friend of Bill W.? I'd best describe myself as an acquaintance and admirer. Bill W., founder of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935, has done more good for the world than many saints. I studied recovery movements and attended AA meetings in seminary and started an alternative 12 step group for members of my congregation in Florida which I led for several years.

As there may be a few people here who've never heard of Bill W. and Alcoholics Anonymous, let me briefly describe it. AA is the source of an expanding number of voluntary programs for addiction and substance abuse recovery based on attendance at meetings and following a 12 step program. The steps cultivate in an experience of spiritual awakening and renewal that strengthen the user's resolve to resist substance abuse. Tens of millions of people have found and maintained sobriety using these techniques.

Here is a thumbnail sketch of how the twelve steps work. For the first step, all that is needed is a confession that "We were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable." After admitting one cannot save oneself from drink, one must begin to realize that "a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." This power is not currently within the addicted person but a force outside him or her. Once the addicted person realizes he or she doesn't have the resources to solve the problem and there are resources outside the self, they "turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him." After a "searching and fearless moral inventory", if the addicted person has any doubts about his wretchedness, they are removed and the dependence on the higher power is deepened. The addicted person is encouraged to admit these failings as is possible and amends are recommended. In this state of powerlessness and awareness of the damage the addiction has wrought, God is asked to remove these defects of character and shortcomings. A conversion experience is sought. This process is repeated and the 12-stepper is encouraged to watch her behavior, admitting wrongs promptly, and seeking "through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him, praying only for His will and the power to carry that out." The final step reads as follows, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs".

Several people in my congregation in Florida approached me to because they were having a hard time in local twelve step groups. Southwestern Florida is a theologically conservative area and the interpretation at the meetings of "God, as you understand Him" was strongly Christian which made my members uncomfortable. One of them introduced me to a wonderful book, The Alternative 12 Steps: A Secular Guide To Recovery by Arlys G. and Dr. Martha Cleveland. It effectively retranslates the 12 step Higher Power language into concepts more accessible to non-Christians. Dr. Cleveland uses the language, "spiritual energy" for Higher Power. My members who didn't believe in a personal conception of God found the term spiritual energy much more accessible.

Struggling with the concept of a Higher Power and God is common in recovery programs. Most people entering recovery have a distaste for belief because they are in a death grip with their current God, the substance they are using. Here are the 10 commandments addicts follow:

The Ten Commandments of Addiction

1. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.

2. Thou shalt honor me before thy father and mother.

3. Thou shalt not question me.

4. Thou shalt suspect everyone but me.

5. Thou shalt kill any who threaten me.

6. Thou shalt set aside time to worship me.

7. Thou shalt make large financial offerings to me.

8. Thou shalt sacrifice thy children to me.

9. Thou shalt seek forgiveness only through me.

10. Thou shalt not ever forget me.

The crippling bad magic of addiction is the image of the addict's god - the self. Everything is sacrificed on the altar of the inner craving wearing the mask of the self. Rebelliousness is part and parcel of the user's nature and disease, and they instinctively shy away from musts and shoulds. One common expression in recovery to explain the Higher Power concept is, "All you need to know about God is that you're not Him!" Mel Ash, Zen teacher and recovering addict writes:

Basically, those two words, not God, wrap up the spiritual requirements of recovery and Zen practice. When we lose our illusion of omnipotence and self-importance, everything stands revealed to us, including whatever god or Higher Power we choose to take. (Ash, p. 26)

The genius of Bill W.'s conception of Higher Power was to add the words, "as you understand it." He shaped his ideas from the book, Varieties of Religious Experience by William James. Bill W. believed in our Universalist conception of a loving God who offers salvation freely to everyone. God's Grace is freely available in an unlimited variety of manifestations and religions. One's Higher Power can be the group, an inspirational book, a beloved advisor, a painting on the wall, an icon or even a chair. My favorite AA story is about a person who was so cynical about God, he took his higher power to be his hospital bed pan. And it actually worked for him! The key insight for the person in recovery is to see that they are not alone and have allies in their recovery.

Another way to dislodge the diseased self from its godlike location is Buddhist meditation practice. I suggest meditation practice with some trepidation as it is not for everyone. Meditation practice is unlikely to be useful to someone in detox whose disturbed brain chemistry may not even permit it. Meditation wouldn't be a substitute for the mutual support at AA meetings. Meditation practice will be most useful for the highly motivated person in recovery who is looking for additional ways to support their sobriety. It is also a very useful way to work the 11^th Step: working to improve one's conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Here is Dr. Cleveland's language for that step: Increasingly engage spiritual energy and awareness to continue to grow in abiding strength and wisdom and the enjoyment of life.

Buddhism is almost made for substance abusers because it addresses directly the experience of the person in recovery: I am suffering terribly from my compulsion and am looking for a way out. Buddhism begins with the idea that there is tremendous suffering and misery in human existence which can be greatly reduced by witnessing, moment by moment, how we contribute to our own suffering. The addict's experience of life is validated as a fact of human existence not an aberration. The difference is their dysfunctional adaptation usually based on conditioning and genetically determined euphoric responses to certain chemicals. Whether you've struggled with addiction or not, I suspect most of us know the experience of feeling the compulsion to overuse substances like caffeine and sugar to alter our mood and escape from the unpleasant experiences life serves up.

Dealing with unpleasant experiences and compulsions in non-destructive ways is the first task for the recovering addict. One of the most commonly encountered expressions in 12 Step programs is, "One day at a time." The decision never to drink again sets the user up for failure. A more manageable statement and commitment is, "I will not drink - today." To be successful in not-using for one day, one needs to develop the power of one's restraint. One needs to see the habit of restraint as a good, valuable and wholesome support to recovery and to living a healthy life. Here is one place meditation practice can help.

I spoke about meditation last week with a member of our congregation named Dr. Greg Miller. He is psychiatrist and experienced practitioner of Buddhist meditation who uses meditation in his practice with some of his patients. He pointed out to me that when one meditates, one constantly practices restraint and develops this habit of the mind. As I mentioned two weeks ago, the meditator strives to be aware of the arising of the desire to scratch an itch before the hand moves to scratch. In seeing the desire to scratch arise, choosing not to scratch, and watching the itch dissolve, one's power of restraint increases. Restraint gets stronger and stronger each time the meditator notices a distraction from the breath and returns to the breath instead of staying focused on the distraction. The impulse to abuse a substance can be very, very strong but can be resisted through the redirection of attention, allowing, not forcing,allowing the impulse to dissolve.

The focus in meditation of concentrating the mind on one object has great benefit because it reduces mental activity. The great torture of the first months of recovery for addicts is facing the wreckage of their lives. The harm addiction does is immense. The damage to relationships, property, wealth and health, the loss of income, employment, and self-esteem creates an intensely painful mental climate. Focusing the mind on one object and holding it there can give some peace and rest while one begins to rebuild one's life. Making peace with the past is a grieving process that takes time.

One of the internal movements that must happen in recovery is a change in relationship to the misery of the past and present. For recovery to really take hold, one has to make meaning out of one's suffering. AA teaches in the final step that the message of recovery needs to be brought to all who are suffering from addiction. This is the same message found in Mahayana Buddhism's Bodhisattva vow: to stand back from liberation until all beings are liberated. The Bodhisattva vows to be reincarnated again and again solely to relieve suffering.

Helping others who are suffering is rich with meaning that strengthens one's recovery. One of the truths revealed in meditation is: the willingness to experience and tolerate one's own suffering increases one's ability to empathize with the sufferings of others. I'm sure many of us know this already. Think of the compassion and understanding two people with the same disease or common hardship experience have that can strongly bond them together. In the cancer ward or the foxhole, shared pain bridges our separateness. That loving connection growing out of mutual support against a common enemy greatly strengthens one's recovery process.

One form of Tibetan Buddhist Meditation takes advantage of this effect by imagining taking in negative energy and transforming it internally into positive energy and radiating it out into the world. I know personally someone with multiple chemical sensitivities who is quite debilitated by her condition. She uses this meditation when she is at the end of her rope and uses it to climb back to sanity. The practice is a powerful way to make meaning out of the most horrific suffering.

Seeing one's misery as useful, even helpful when accepted and transformed into compassion, greatly changes one's relationship to suffering. Instead of a meaningless waste of one's life, it becomes fertilizer to grow a bigger heart. One's immense suffering becomes the raw material in the recovery process to become a better person.

One of the greatest dangers in recovery is self-judgment because it weakens the commitment required to maintain sobriety. Meditation practice works against self-judgment developing a sense of self acceptance. The meditator witnesses the activity in the body-mind universal attributes shared by everyone. We all experience fear, anger, desire, craving, aversion, lust, sloth, torpor and all the mental hindrances to healthy living. By seeing them as human experiences that come and go, one can dis-identify with them as "me." This release of harmful mind states as "me" creates a feeling of equanimity about the contents of the mind. If I can witness the mind state of craving rather than thinking "I must have a drink", my sobriety can be better protected.

The last way I'd mention this morning that meditation can support sobriety is through participation in a community dedicated to higher goals than self-gratification. The Buddhist sangha, the community that meditates together for the benefit of each and all, creates a support network for practice and healthy living which can be a great support to sobriety as well.

Talking about addiction on Sunday morning is a little risky because those who are actively abusing a substance will become defensive and those whose life challenges do not circle around addiction may be bored. Those in recovery will already know most of what you're talking about. And there is a small chance that you may actually touch a few people's lives and help them make that first step toward recovery. If this happens for just one person today, I will feel tremendously successful.

Still, this a topic for all of us. Whether we realize it or not in our materialistic culture, most of us have relationship problems with substances. Mine are sweets and soft drinks. We're all dependent on oil consumption. My happiness is deeply intertwined with having Internet access and a fast connection and computer. I love lots and lots of data! Addicts may be at the extreme end of the substance dependency continuum but I suspect we all have at least one or two unhealthy relationships with some of the stuff in our lives. As the world oil reserves dry up and we go on an energy consumption starvation diet, these relationships may become unmanageable.

Just like Bodhisattva Bill W., the only solution I can see which satisfies our need for meaning in our lives is developing our spiritual resources. Sunday morning worship and meditation are excellent ways among many to free us from our psychological dependence on substances reorienting our sources of satisfaction and meaning in non-material ways. One of the greatest sources of meaning I've found in life has been religious community. AA groups, when they work best, are meetings of a religious community seeking a Higher Power. That Higher Power, however you understand it, can be found here in this congregation. It can be a source of strength for sobriety and building a meaningful life.

May you find it here and may it renew us all as we face our personal and collective struggles ahead, one day at a time.