SERMON

As many of you know, for the last six months I have been spending my Mondays at St. Joseph's Hospital from 8:00 in the morning till 7:00 at night in a clinical pastoral experience commonly referred to as CPE. CPE is a program offered to assist chaplains and ministers in developing their pastoral skills. Those who wish to become certified chaplains must take 4 units of CPE. Taking one unit of CPE is a requirement of Unitarian Universalist ministerial fellowship. In the summer of 1988, I took my first unit of CPE at the Delaware State Mental Hospital as I was preparing to begin my ministry. I found it to be a growing and enriching experience. At the time the CPE supervisor and I thought I might benefit from another unit someday. When last spring Jim Hoff, the director of Spiritual Care at St. Joseph's, announced to the Charlotte County Ministerial Association that the hospital would be beginning a CPE program specifically for settled ministers like myself, I started thinking about whether I could participate. I wanted to tune up my pastoral skills after serving this congregation for the last three years, and seeing areas where I could use some improvement. But this time, I wouldn't be doing CPE for some credentialing authority or to prove my worth as a minister--I would be doing it for my own and this congregation's benefit.

My first day in the program was very disappointing. The other five students who would be participants in the program with me for the next six months were either already serving as chaplains or non-ordained people interested in working towards some sort of chaplaincy. I had hoped to be in a program with other parish ministers who would understand the problems of being a minister and whom I could benefit from their experiences with their congregations. Fortunately, the two chaplains in the group had served as parish ministers so they did have some experience to share but they weren't dealing with it currently. All the other students were also traditional Protestants or Catholics so we didn't share much theology of pastoral care--or so I thought that first week.

And then came the requirements. I would be expected to spend at least 4 hours a week at the hospital visiting patients. I would be required to do a number of book reports and to present six verbatims to the group. A verbatim is a reconstruction of a visit with a patient trying to remember the exact exchange of dialogue. After the dialogue is recorded, the student must analyze their responses and try to justify what they did and why they did it. After the presentation, the presenter then is engaged by the other students and the supervisors to help them see their mistakes as well as their successes that they have missed. In the process, the student's strengths and weaknesses in pastoral skills get exposed to the group. What students quickly find out is there are no perfect verbatims. And even if one appeared, that same presenter might have a terrible one with a different patient a few weeks later. Pastoral care is an art that takes many years to develop.

As I spent my first Monday afternoon visiting patients, I was very unsure if this was the right program for me. And after visiting some of the patients I became less and less sure. I entered one room where a man lay unconscious on the bed. He had brain cancer and had earlier suddenly lost consciousness and started having convulsions. The wife and two friends sat quietly around the bed watching his body jerking and thrashing. I sat with them for a while feeling completely inadequate to meet the situation. I could find nothing to say so I sat with them in silence. Finally I excused myself feeling completely useless. Yes, the demands of the CPE program were high and the other students different from my expectation but I needed some help with my pastoral skills.

My feelings of inadequacy on that first day were magnified as the Christians in the group began to present their understanding of pastoral ministry. All of the students believed that prayer was a central purpose for their presence in the patient's room. Several students presented verbatims which illustrated the power of reading scripture and prayer to connect the student with the patient they were visiting and bring the patient spiritual comfort. They saw themselves as God's representative to bring the spiritual comfort of Jesus and the assurance of eternal life. No matter what a patient suffered, it would pale in comparison to the agony of Jesus' suffering on the cross for our sins. Thus the patient could identify with Jesus and share his sacrifice, making their suffering meaningful. Their confidence and positive results made me question myself. What did I, a non Christian, have to offer to these suffering patients (almost all of whom were Christian and many of whom were probably looking for this kind of comfort)?

In the first few months I struggled long and hard with what kind of spiritual comfort I as a Unitarian Universalist minister had to give these Christian patients at the hospital. My well developed understanding of suffering from Buddhism didn't seem to easily translate to a Christian context. I certainly knew something about listening from working in Buffalo on a suicide prevention hot-line. I had learned the value there of just letting people talk and get what they were feeling off their chests. From Philomena, I had learned how to ask questions which would help people explore any feelings lurking below the surface which may be making their suffering worse. I have a strong interest in the mind-body connection and its relationship to health and healing. But what about the spiritual? What should I do if the patient wants me to pray with them? Can I offer prayers to Jesus for healing without being a Christian?

Unitarian Universalism is a non creedal religious tradition. This means I can't tell you from the pulpit that you must believe in God or believe that Jesus was a prophet or son of God. I can't tell you NOT to believe in God or Jesus either. Each person is responsible for their own belief or unbelief in the spiritual realm. My job is to encourage you in the development of your belief or unbelief by my example as I continue to define my own spiritual understanding as I grow and change. If I do my job well, you will not become like me in my faith, you will discover and grow in the understanding of your own faith already present and growing within you. Thus, that discovery of your own inner light may make you an atheist, a Humanist, a Christian, a Buddhist, or perhaps lead you to earth centered spirituality or something yet to be revealed in you. If I really do my job well, you may begin to see connections between these different ways of viewing God and see underlying universal truths and principles which connect across different religious traditions deeply uniting them.

Operating as I do from the belief that there are core universal truths which get expressed uniquely in each religious tradition, I stretched myself to see how much of the Christian tradition I could embrace. Raised as I was an atheistic scientific humanist, I had and still have many negative feelings about the superstitious supernaturalism found in many traditional views of Christianity. Yet I have great faith in process and experience. It was clear from the reports of my fellow students, whether or not some supernatural powers or some psychological processes were engaged by a prayer to Jesus, the Christian patients seemed to get benefit from them. So if I was really going to be a Universalist, then I ought to be able to pray to anybody, even our heavenly Father. It seemed only right that I be putting the patient's best interests and needs first and not my spiritual prejudice--or perhaps thinking universally, my spiritual limitations.

Spiritual limitation and handicap of course was how the other students viewed me I suspected. They are sure of the superiority their savior Jesus and view with curiosity and caution my openness to the different religious traditions. They challenged my ideas and theology. Being outnumbered in the group and on the defensive caused me to wonder if perhaps I was off base. Was my resistance to serving the Lord as they understood him really intellectual pride? Was my thinking more important to me that my heart, more important than my commitment to ministry? If I was a real Universalist, couldn't I also accept Jesus the redeemer as well?

This came to a head for me during a chapel service just after the beginning of the new year. We begin each day we meet together with a 20 minute or so worship service. One of the students, an Evangelical Christian, spoke about New Year's resolutions and how, because of our fallen nature, we couldn't expect to be successful in achieving them without Jesus' help. That morning I was in pain as I struggled with my vulnerability. Something felt deeply alien to me in his words yet his gentle friendly style of presentation and my lack of security in my pastoral identity left me confused and upset.

Then in a flash it came to me. I could stretch my Universalism only so far. There were some clear limits and the depravity of humanity without conversion and baptism was a very important one. That day I was as sure as I've ever been in my faith that the seed of holiness and redemption is within each of us from before conception. People may discover their inherent worth and dignity through religious conversion but a little baptismal water doesn't magically change people from sinners to saints. Belief in Jesus as one's redeemer may be of great benefit to many people in living good lives. I have great support for them growing spiritually in that way if that is how their heart is tuned. But a Buddhist, or a Hindu, or a follower of Islam, or a Unitarian Universalist can also lead an equally good and holy life. There are many ways to awaken to the deeper and more profound dimensions of human existence. The pathway to that growth already exists within us waiting to be discovered.

After this inner revelation, I was much clearer as to what kind of ministry I was doing with the patients at the hospital. I wasn't there to save souls or pretend to be an unusual version of a Christian pastor. I was there to offer who I am. Some patients would respond to my approach and others would not. I could not mold myself to give everyone what they needed. But by being the best minister I know how to be, I could offer a great deal.

Over the course of the last six months, I've become clearer about the assets I do bring to the bedside. My Universalist frame of reference allows me to be open to how each person experiences their spiritual life which may and often does deviate from traditional norms. Even though a patient might be listed as a Methodist or a Catholic, that may not mean that is how they understand their faith. One of the first persons I visited when the program began was Catholic. As we got to talking, he expressed views which diverged significantly from the church and ended up asking me all about UUism. Other times I have met people who were struggling with profound religious questions without using religious language. They used language like: I'm used to doing a lot of volunteer work and now with this cancer, I just can't do what I used to do. When I'm in great pain, I get flashbacks to the Viet Nam war and my wife will not listen to me talk about it. How can I heal these hurts from my past which come up when I'm in pain? Should I risk my boyfriend's job by working to help prevent teenagers from getting AIDS exposing myself as a person living with AIDS? These are some of the real struggles I have heard while doing my hospital rounds.

Probably my greatest asset is my sharp, perceptive mind. One of the payoffs of the twelve years I've spent meditating is more powerful concentration and awareness. As I sit with a patient, I am able to listen deeply to them and often intuitively pick up what is going on behind their words. In just a few minutes, a closeness and connection can develop as we share together our experiences of living.

This perceptiveness has also been confirmed during the group process as we meet together working on verbatims. On a number of occasions I've had helpful insights into a particular difficulty another student was having with a patient or a block which was preventing them from being more effective. I greatly enjoy the unfolding process as we open up a verbatim to search for the mistakes, the missed opportunities, the limiting fears and the successes as love breaks though to the surface. The dynamic of people exchanging thoughts and feelings is very stimulating to my perception. Group process skills are one of my talents which I continue to develop and hone.

It was in our group process working together for our individual growth I learned again the most powerful lesson of the CPE unit which confirms much of what I have already done here in this congregation. When we truly listen to each other and find a way to accept each other as we are--not necessarily agree but rather find a way to respect those who are different and with whom we disagree--when we accept each other as we are we create the opportunity to growth and change in us and in others. When we truly meet each other, know each other and accept each other, when we really love each other, an opening up happens, a real dialogue, a conversation begins which allows us the safety to examine who we are and consider making a change. We UUs grow religiously not by conforming to an outer doctrine and submissively denying ourselves, we grow religiously by the process of acceptance of who we are today, who others are today, and an openness to the possibility of change and growth that happens as we expand our ability to embrace diversity. Accepting diversity is a transformative religious process. It is our spiritual path.

It was through participating in our transformational group process that I realized once again how important groups are in Unitarian Universalism. UU's as a whole don't develop their religious life by retreating into a cave to meditate or singing devotional songs or prayer or pilgrimage. Each of us as individuals may find these valuable yet this is not the core of our shared practice. We develop our religious life by meeting together in committees, in crafts groups, in discussions groups, in work groups, in worship circles, in social groups at potlucks and luncheons sharing our lives with each other. Our sacrament is gathering together to share our words. The way many of us grow religiously is through the never ending conversations and discussion groups for which we are so infamous.

So even though it has been a difficult six months of hard work and sacrifice, I am grateful for the way the CPE program has both deepened my faith and expanded my capacity to minister. I am grateful for the willingness of this congregation to accept my diminished ability to provide programming and personal attention. I look forward to sharing what I have learned with you in ways which will enrich the life of this congregation. May we all grow in our ability to accept each other and be transformed by the love we give and receive in this religious community.

Copyright (c) 1997 by Rev. Samuel A. Trumbore. All rights reserved.