SERMON

I don't think I could have ever grasped the difficulty of being a parent without my son Andy. The constant pressure of having a 24 hour responsibility for another human life can't be adequately understood without the experience. I remember during the first weeks of being a father, mixed in with the joy and panic, was the ambivalence about my new loss of freedom. We couldn't just go out of town for the weekend by throwing a change of clothes and a toothbrush in an overnight bag. Now we had to fill the car with baby equipment and supplies. One of us would always have to be with Andy until we could trust him to be by himself. Not only would we have to be physically present but also attentive to his needs for a diaper change, more or less clothing, food and sleep. Not only would we have to be present and attentive but challenge ourselves to open our hearts and give affection and interaction when we would rather do something else like read the newspaper or relax with a good book.

I also don't think we could have grasped the many levels of support needed to bring a child into the world. For example, no book has all the answers to a frantic mother mastering the art of breast-feeding. Unlike bottle feeding, it is difficult to get a sense of just how much nourishment the little one is getting. And holding an infant in just the right way so they don't suffocate and get a good grip (but not a painful one) takes more than a little coaching. We had such a crisis with Andy when he was first breast-feeding, since the disposable diapers the hospital gave us to use were so absorbent we couldn't tell if he was getting enough at first by what he was eliminating. This problem was soon remedied by switching to cloth diapers, but not without more than a little distress.

Philomena and I were fully aware we didn't enter childrearing alone. The first level of support we received even before Andy was born was childbirth classes given by the HMO Philomena worked for in Buffalo. We learned all about what was going on inside of Philomena's belly and how to care for this emerging human being floating in his own private ocean. We practiced together breathing techniques to manage the stress of the contractions until the magical number ten centimeters was announced, when pushing was now permitted and strongly encouraged.

How well I remember the support of the midwife attending Philomena as he monitored the birthing process. Andy had crowned but wasn't coming out, which gave me concern. Was he stuck? Would he suffocate in the birth canal? Would his poor little head get crushed by the contractions? The midwife calmly lubricated the area around the opening telling us, it is okay to wait. The baby will come through when the time is right. (Perhaps he was waiting for the planets to get lined up in the right configuration for his astrological chart!)

One of the reasons I didn't go into the search process immediately after graduating from seminary was because of Philomena's and my mutual desire to have our child close to her family and friends. Philomena is especially close to her sister Margaret and wanted her support during the pregnancy and the first months afterwards. Margaret's calm centered wisdom of raising three children was of great help to us as we tried to figure out what we were doing. I remember how grateful we were the first time Margaret came over to be with Andy so we could get out of the house for some time alone together.

(Congregation asked to share their own stories of support)

The support found in a close-knit kinship of family and friends for raising children motivates the African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child", the title of Hillary Rodham Clinton's recent book. When the Religious Education committee decided to have a student and teacher recognition day, I canceled my plans to do a pulpit exchange with Rev. Jay Abernathy in Naples and looked around for something to say on kids and families. I'd been wanting to read the First Lady's book, so I thought this would be the chance.

The book is a mixture of family history and anecdote, opinion and observation, and political commentary, with some research, a few apocryphal stories of modern life and some juicy quotes. As I read the carefully sculpted prose, I recognized the political dimension of the book which was staking a claim for middle American family values which include the government in the village to pick up the pieces when families fail to care for their children. The use of her book as a propaganda tool became clear in her stand on abortion, for example, which leaned on the declaration from the 1994 UN Conference on Global Population and Development which withheld support for the use of abortion as a method of family planning, glossing over her and her husband's strong support for abortion rights.

But my disappointment with the shallow and political content of the book and the academic status quo understanding of social problems and their solution didn't stop me from agreeing with the thrust of the book: families can't raise their children well in a social vacuum. They need multiple levels of support from federal, state, and local government, from community organizations, from family and friends and from their church.

The problem in a place like Charlotte County is the weakness of these organizations. Not necessarily because people here don't care about kids, but rather because the network of connections between people here are thin. It takes years for the invisible strands of connection between people to develop in a community. One can't legislate this or throw money at it. It happens informally as people circulate in the public and private spheres of our community.

I'm really attuned to this in my role as one of the ministers of Charlotte County. It took me about two years to begin to know who's who and make personal connections with leaders in our community. I still have much work to do to lay the groundwork for effective participation in influencing the social and religious climate of Charlotte County. But I'm not alone. How many have lived here over 5 years? Over 10? Over 20? How many have grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren who have grown up in this community? How many have graduated from the public schools here? Port Charlotte is really in the middle of evolving an identity from the invisible strands of connection being laid down. It takes 20 to 30 years at a minimum to develop the kind of committed community to build this sense of village which can support our children.

The seasonal nature of many of our residents who are here less than six months of the year also works against building our sense of community. The lack of a solid economic base here also means one can't stay here and find much professional employment except in the retiree service sector. Many must commute to Sarasota and Fort Myers to find work, which further dilutes our sense of community. And Port Charlotte's history of being a manufactured community designed around corporate profit does not provide a strong base for our social growth.

Hillary also comments on the struggles of the modern suburban sprawl in forming this sense of village. She identifies the religious community as an important component of the return to the village culture. People need a place of security and trust where their values and understanding are affirmed and shared. People need a place where the young, old and middle-aged can be together so invisible strands of connection can form. People need a place to explore their inner life with those who are wise in the ways of the heart and to pass on what they discover to the next generation. We need to be students and teachers.

(Congregation invited to share their experiences of church as village)

Creating this sense of village in our congregation is one of the goals I strive for. With the Pre-Retiree get togethers and the growth in our RE program this year and our Cluster canoe trip in May, we are beginning to cultivate a much stronger intergenerational feeling. We are unique in Charlotte County, providing a religious home for those whose understanding of themselves and the world departs from a traditional view of religion exclusively centered on Biblical teaching. We are dedicated to the belief that we can create a vibrant, nourishing religious community through shared values rather than shared beliefs. A shared value of life. A shared value in the unique individual process of the unfolding of our spiritual life and understanding of our faith and belief. We need not think or believe alike to love each other well. This is a fundamental principle of democratic society enshrined in our purposes and principles.

We have a tremendous gift to pass on to the next generation, the gift of freedom. We invest in each child a confidence in their own growing capacity to discern directly their own understanding of their faith rather than conform to a model that doesn't suit their identity or the world they make meaning within. We cherish the individual gifts of each child and the budding potential for expression of that gift. We guide them toward meaningful service within our congregations and to the larger community.

The work of enlarging and deepening a spiritual village within this congregation is new work for most of us as we begin to bring the young, middle- aged and old together. Just one or two of us striving toward this end will fail. I encourage you this morning to seek ways to participate in the creation of this spiritual village by helping teach a class for religious education, participating in one of the intergenerational programs this fall, getting to know some of the kids personally, or volunteering to serve on the religious education committee. We have a wonderful creative spirit on this committee which gives excitement and energy to our projects.

What is challenging about this work of building a vibrant intergenerational spiritual village is not being able to see what you have created. The thousand invisible strands which weave us together often only become visible when someone dies or moves away. But even if we can't see them much of the time, we can feel them. We can feel supported by them and feel the tug to be of service to each other.

Let us continue this wonderful weaving together the multicolored fabric of our congregation as we create the kind of community our hearts both yearn for and are fed by. We all have so much to gain.

(c) 1996 Copyright by Rev. Samuel A. Trumbore. All rights reserved.